TV Review Part 2: The Black Donnellys

The show so nice*, we reviewed it twice!

OK - so the main guy in this show is one of those "I tried to get out but they keep pulling me back in" types.

You know how I know? Because (aside from telling us as much) the writers also show him drawing a picture! So, clearly he's going to make it all 10 blocks from Hell's Kitchen to the Museum of Modern Art.

The best part is that being able to draw has roughly as much to do with being an artist as knowing how to spell has with being a writer.

*Nice = shitty, in this case.

In: the black donnellys

TV Review: The Black Donnellys

More like 'State Of Grace 90210'.

I saw that it is written by Paul Haggis and assumed it's race-baiting disguised as heavy-handed parable.

Faith and begorrah - I was right!

In: the black donnellys

This Has Done More For My Desire For An Escalde Than All Of Ludacris's Songs Combined

There's a Cadillac commercial that uses 'The Sunny Side Of The Street' by The Pogues.

Most of the commercial is instrumental, but they did opt to include the lines where Shane McGowan describes himself as having "a heart full of hate and a lust for vomit."

Awesome.

On the other hand, would you buy a car from this man?

In: cadillac, pogues

Girls Can Do Anything Boys Can Do, But Better. Except Shut The Hell Up.

I have no idea where this came from, but I was thinking about those bumper stickers that say, "Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did but backward and in heels."

The first thing that popped into my head was, "Yeah, but he probably had to listen to her bullshit."

P.S. When I told Mrs. Sandwich about this, her response was, "Wow. You must really hate me."

In: misogyny

I Love Cows, But Not So Much The Blacks

What do you make of a truck with the following two bumperstickers?

• 'Meat Is Murder'
• Confederate flag

In: crackers, hippies

Movie Review: The Illusionist

Imagine if you took 'Amadeus' and replaced perhaps the greatest musical achievements in human history with card tricks.

And then nothing happens.

In: the illusionist

Really Dangerous Minds

Mrs. Club Sandwich is showing her students 'Stand And Deliver'.

She doesn't think it's funny to suggest that she show 'American Me' instead.

My logic: both have Edward James Olmos, but her students will likely spend more time in the institution depicted in the latter than the former.

In: the children are our future

Pimp My Laundry

I'm only mentioning that this is 100% true because you're not going to believe it.

I had a new washing machine delivered today because that's how I ball.

The guy who installed it called the delivery in to his dispatcher and gave her the delivery confirmation number.

He was reading off the letters in the confirmation number like "N as in Nancy," as is typical. But when he got to 'X' he said, "X as in Xzibit."

In: blacks

Movie Review: Children Of Men

For the record, we think 'Bazooka' is a great name for a girl.

It's nice to know that blacks in the future use the same method of naming kids they use today. Look around and pick the name of a thing you see. It certainly worked for Nivea's mom.

Another suggestion for the name of a future baby:
'Dystopia'.

In: children of men, blacks

According To The Superbowl Ads It's OK To Make Fun Of Gays, So Here We Go

We saw these things in this chronological order:
1) A guy carrying a yoga mat.
2) A guy playing Pet Shop Boys and Echo and the Bunnymen at a vintage arcade.
3) A guy walking out of a cyber-cafe while blowing bubbles with a bubble wand.

In: gays

Movie Review: The Hole

Here's a multiple choice question.

The Hole is:
A) Some crappy movie with absolutley no likeable characters
B) The thing in the plot that you can drive a truck through
C) Kiera Knightley's on-set nickname

Also, Kiera Knightley playing a bulimic? Isn't that like Lassie playing a dog?

In: the hole, kiera knightley

'To Sir, With Love' Also Works, But Is Less Gross

Twink-of-the-moment Clay Aiken has a CD called 'Measure of a Man'.

Legendary actor Sidney Poitier's autobiography is called 'The Measure of a Man'.

The thing is, Sidney Poitier's book came out after Clay Aiken's CD. I find it impossible to believe that the former didn't know about the latter.

On the plus side, neither went with their working titles: 'Black Inches'.

In: clay aiken, sidney poitier

Excepting The Cases Of Certain Sportscasters And Former Directors Of The FBI

Dear American Apparel,

The Sandwich staff loves your products. We're wearing one of your hoodies right now, and it is unbelievably comfortable.

We also love your generally perv-y take on things.

We even like (although we ain't no fags or nothing) the fact that you stock 'Butt' magazine at your stores; that's easily the best name for a magazine ever.

We do have to take exception to one thing, though.


There's no such things as men's panties.

In: american apparel, clearly defined gender roles

I'm Strong... I Can Kick

Remember this?

In: crispin glover, david letterman