For Immediate Distribution

Confidential to the last guy to use the handicapped stall on the first floor:

I'm not going into detail - you know what you did. I'm not sure how you accomplished it, but I have to assume that you are genuinely handicapped.

On the other hand, if there were a Cirque du Soleil of shitting you could easily join the cast.

See a doctor.

Love,
The Sandwich.