Page 7 of this week's Willamette Week is maybe the single greatest newspaper page of all time.
In one story, there's this bit:
None of the complaints has been upheld, according to board director Leslie Stevens, who notes that one involved a man who accused an officer of "breathing his gay breath on me."
The other story presents The Sandwich with a dilemma. It's about another clown with a 'This Bike Is a Pipe Bomb' sticker on his bike. Yeah, yeah, it's a band. Note that the sticker wasn't on his trapper keeper, though. His intent to provoke worked swimmingly as a TriMet driver went AWOL (big surprise there) and kicked him off the bus. That brings us to our dilemma - which is more retarded, bikes or busses? It's like a widening gyre of retardation spinning out of control.